I'm alive

Omgosh I did not realise how long it has been since I posted! The days are long but the years are fast right? So quick update...

I have gotten married, bought and renovated a house, all of the twins are in school (youngest twins are five and older twins are six) and I have a teenager. (Oh and I turned thirty but we shall whisper that.)

I find that every day is more challenging. When those well wishers come to visit you after you give birth and tell you it gets easier, they are LYING. I never thought I'd say this but I miss the days of having my four babies all lined up in their high chairs ready to be fed. All chubby and cheeky, mobile enough to have fun playtimes but not so much that I have to chase them all over the house.

But with growth comes new challenges which is exciting but I must admit I have been struggling of late. Everything has to be equal!!! All of the time. As they grow I must too I suppose. To teach them respect but not stifle their strong opions. To give them love but not guard them too close. Encourage and support them to give them confidence, but not spoilt them where they think the world revolves around them. The balancing act that we all face and we are amazing.

My parenting style is my children mean the world to me, but they are NOT my whole world. When I am feeling overwhelmed I make sure I take time for myself. Even the littlest things like setting my alarm a little earlier so I get ten minutes in the mornings has made me feel much more calm and in control. It can feel like I am alone in my little world with little or no adult conversation to be had until my husband comes home from work. I'm so excited to see him and tell him all the mundane things that have happened that day, while he just wants to be fed and left in peace to wind down. This is another balancing act that I'm not sure on how I'm doing either. I feel that at this point in my life I'm stuck. I suppose sometimes I can be too hard on myself. I must say that I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am so blessed to have five healthy children but is it wrong to want more? Even if I dont know what it is I want?

Maybe I'm just greedy haha. But life is for living and I will forever want to explore places and learn more about who I truly am so I can be the best mum I can be to my children.

So I am carving out time on sundays now for me. I will not feel guilty (maybe slightly) but I feel self reflection and learning can only be a positive. A happy mum means happy kids.

Lauren xx